After testing for just about everything they could think of and bringing many specialists to the table, they have landed on a diagnosis. The doctors are confident that the spinal cord damage causing Dave’s symptoms is due to the chemotherapy, specifically methotrexate. We were also told that this is extremely rare. The neurologist found one article in the medical literature citing two similar cases. That’s it. So Dave is once again suffering from something very, very rare. It’s crazy, and it’s a lot for us to get our hearts and our heads around.
It was a hard week. We hit new lows in the battle, lower than we thought we could ever go. This too, God?! Dealing with the uncertainty of what was going on, not knowing the extent to which the damage would continue and what it will mean for Dave’s quality of life, as well as what this will mean in his fight against leukemia is just so overwhelming. This is when we determine to fight harder than ever. This is when we dedicate ourselves once again to leaning utterly and completely on God. This is when we commit once again to doing everything we can to glorify Him in the middle of something that feels so terrible and discouraging.
We will do that. We will keep depending on God. We will continue to honor Him and do our best to point people toward what having a personal relationship and dependance on God means. But that doesn’t take the pain away. That doesn’t take the struggle and suffering away. It means that we are not doing this alone. In the middle of the struggle, He is there. In the dark hours of the night laying in that hospital room when things seem so bleak, God sustains us. In the pit of despair, His mercy and grace are real.
Please pray for Dave. This is just so much to absorb and process emotionally and spiritually, and so very much to deal with physically. He is working hard in rehab, but it can be very difficult and discouraging. The damage to the spinal cord has caused extreme weakness in his legs. He can feel them, although there is numbness; he can move them a little, but he cannot stand or walk. He is learning to safely transfer from the bed to a wheelchair, from a wheelchair to a shower chair. He is struggling with pain in his back and trying to figure out how to live in this altered body. It’s surreal to think this is where we are. We thought we were fighting leukemia!
As his family, we keep telling Dave that we will gladly adjust to these difficulties, so long as he is still with us! That doesn’t make it easier for him. As for what this means in terms of the leukemia, we are assured he is still in complete remission. They will no longer be giving him the methotrexate, but they will continue with another chemo that they say is equally effective. There are no assurances, only dependance on God.
As we continue to do everything we possibly can, the future is exactly what God determines it will be. Even on the dark days, we still have great hope in His power to heal. That hope comes from what we know about God, but in large part it also currently comes from the reminders and the encouragement we have received from many of you. Thank you for that. We need it.
Here are a few Bible verses we received from friends this week. Maybe you are going through a tough time and one of these verses is for you, too.
The Lord gives His people strength. The Lord blesses them with peace. Psalm 29:11
Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Romans 12:12
Cast all your anxieties on Him, because He cares for you.“ 1Peter 5:7
May you be strengthened with all power, according to His glorious gift, for all endurance and patience with joy.” Colossians 1:11
We appreciate your encouragement and your continued diligent prayers,
Carol
