It’s still a mystery. We came to Cedars on Tuesday morning for an appointment with a neurologist, and have been in the hospital ever since. Dave’s symptoms of weakness and numbness in his legs, along with the inability to walk, has the doctors baffled. Every day we have seen the oncologist, a neurologist, an infectious disease doctor, a rehabilitation doctor, many nurse practitioners, physical therapists, occupational therapists, technicians, and specialists. They have poked and prodded, drawn tons of blood and brain fluid, taken X-rays, MRIs, and sonograms… and they still don’t know what is causing the problem. They just stand back and say, “Dave, we don’t know what it is and we don’t know if we will ever have that answer.”
The plan is for Dave to stay in the hospital over the weekend, and then to be moved upstairs to the rehabilitation unit early next week where they will teach us how to live safely with his current limitations and work with him to gain back his leg strength and ability as much as possible. We will probably be in that unit for a week or two. In the meantime, the results from all the tests they have ordered will continue to trickle in and hopefully there will be answers to the cause, as well as if his current condition is temporary or permanent.
This has been a very difficult week. Quite frankly, we are numb. Ten days ago Dave was walking, driving, and carrying his grandson around the house, and today he is only able to stand with the help of two assistants and a walker.
Where is God in all of this? He is right here with us. We know that, even though there have been moments when we have felt weak, lost, alone, and scared. This is definitely a new low. We just keep running back to the fact that God knows exactly what is going on and He is here with us. We know that even though we don’t always feel it. In this fog, our prayers tend to be short pleadings. “Please help, God.” “Where are you, God?” “What are you doing in this, God?” “What do you see, God, that I’m supposed to be seeing?” And sometimes it’s just simply saying, “I don’t get it, God!”
Thank you for your continued prayers. We need them.
“… for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will never leave you or forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6
Dave and Carol